Kink from A to Ö – 29 terms in BDSM and fetishism
October is recognized by many as Kink Month, so we are shining a little extra light on kink. Not because you need to change your personality, build a secret dungeon, or check off a list, but because curiosity is more fun when you understand the language.
Here you will find a Swedish kink glossary from A to Ö covering terms related to BDSM, fetish, power play, and sensory play. Some are easy to try at home, others require more knowledge, and some are mainly included so that you can understand what the word means. Everything in this guide applies to consenting adults.
Aftercare
Aftercare is the care provided after intense play or a BDSM scene. When tension, adrenaline, and endorphins subside, someone may feel tired, cold, empty, extra sensitive, or simply very satisfied. Everyone reacts differently, and the reaction may come immediately or only later.
Aftercare can involve a blanket, water, something to eat, closeness, time alone, or a message the next day. Do not ask only what the submissive person needs. The dominant person may also react after a scene. It is a good idea to decide in advance what usually feels good and read more in our blog post about aftercare after BDSM.
Bondage and BDSM
BDSM encompasses several areas: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. It can involve physical stimulation, rules, roles, control, or voluntarily giving up power. BDSM does not have to involve pain and does not even have to be sexual.
Bondage means restricting movement, for example with handcuffs, bondage tape, or rope. For a beginner, wide cuffs with quick-release fasteners are easier to control than rope.
NOTE! Never tie anything around the neck, do not use materials that tighten on their own, and never leave anyone restrained alone. Check skin color, temperature, and sensation. Suspension requires training and is not suitable for a first attempt.
Simple products to get started with bondage & BDSM
Chastity – chastity play
Chastity means chastity and is used in kink for activities where orgasm, erection, or access to the genitals is restricted. It can be entirely mental, through an agreed rule, or physical with a chastity cage or chastity belt. The person who controls access is sometimes called the keyholder.
NOTE! Start with short periods, maintain hygiene, and have a spare key. Remove the product immediately in case of pain, numbness, swelling, discoloration, or chafing.
Dominance
Dominance is the controlling side of an agreed power exchange. A dominant can decide the pace, position, rules, or what stimulation is given. It can be a role for one evening or a more long-term dynamic. The opposite is submission, and a person who enjoys both roles is usually called a switch.
The important thing is to distinguish control in play from control over another person's life. A dominant only has the power that has been negotiated, and is responsible for listening, checking in, and stopping. Read more about dominance in the bedroom.
Edging
Edging means approaching orgasm and then reducing or pausing stimulation before crossing the threshold. It can be done solo, together, or as part of orgasm control. For some, it prolongs arousal and makes the final orgasm more intense.
Start slowing down earlier than you think. If you are doing it together, the receiving person must be able to signal how close they are. Edging should build anticipation, not create frustration that someone has not agreed to. Find more techniques in our guide to edging.
Fetish
A fetish means that a particular object, material, body part, or situation has a distinct erotic charge. It can be anything from latex, shoes, and underwear to scents or specific roles. For some, the fetish is an added bonus. For others, it is central to arousal.
A fetish is not a problem just because it is unusual. What matters is whether it can be explored between consenting adults without anyone being harmed or having their boundaries violated. Read more about what a fetish is.
Gagballs and mouth gags
A gag or gagball restricts speech and often enhances the feeling of control and submission. Since the person cannot say stop as usual, you must agree on a non-verbal safeword before putting the product on.
Choose a model that can be opened quickly and start with short periods. See our selection of gagballs and mouth gags.
NOTE! A gag should never be used in cases of nasal congestion, nausea, or breathing problems. Never leave the person alone, and remove it immediately in the event of panic, gagging, or impaired breathing.
Humiliation – humiliation play
Humiliation is consensual degradation through words, roles, or actions. It can be light teasing or an intense part of a power exchange. Because words can hit unexpectedly hard, you need to be more specific than “you can say whatever you want.” Discuss which words, themes, and identities are off-limits.
Humiliation play is still play. It should not be used to sneak in genuine criticism, punish a partner for a conflict, or pressure someone to “prove” their submission. Check in afterward and expect the need for aftercare to be emotional rather than physical.
Impact play
Impact play is the collective term for spanking and strikes given for pleasure, excitement, or a sense of power. The hand is often the best place to start because the person striking can feel the force. After that, you can try a paddle, flogger, or whip at low intensity.
Start gently, warm up gradually, and discuss beforehand whether marks are okay. Heavier implements and narrow striking surfaces concentrate force and require more control.
IMPORTANT! Stick to large, soft muscle areas such as the buttocks and thighs. Avoid the head, neck, spine, joints, kidneys, and other areas where bones or organs are unprotected.
There is a difference between dull pressure and sharp pain. Ask what sensation the recipient actually wants, not just how “hard” it should be. Explore more products for pain and impact play.
Paddles, floggers, and softer implements
Japanese rope bondage
Japanese rope bondage is often associated with the terms shibari and kinbaku. The focus may be on aesthetics, patterns, presence, and the feeling of tying or being tied. For some, the experience is erotic; for others, it is more meditative or artistic.
Start with simple ties on the ground and use rope intended for bondage. Decorative images online are inspiration, not instructions.
IMPORTANT! Incorrect pressure can damage nerves and blood circulation. Avoid the neck and joints, check sensation frequently, and keep safety scissors nearby. Suspension requires practical training.
Kink
Kink is a broad term for sexual or sensual interests that fall outside what someone considers “vanilla.” The boundary is subjective: a blindfold can be a major step for one person and everyday for another. You do not need to call yourself kinky or try everything you fantasize about.
Latex
Latex can be a fetish for the material’s shine, scent, tight feel, or the transformation created by the clothing. It appears in everything from gloves and masks to full-body garments. Wetlook and faux leather can provide a similar visual expression without the same material feel.
Latex must be put on carefully and cared for according to the garment’s instructions. Avoid oil-based products, which can damage the material. If you have a latex allergy, choose a latex-free alternative. Explore BDSM clothing, wetlook, and fetish fashion.
Masochism
Masochism means deriving pleasure from receiving pain, discomfort, or humiliation in a consensual context. Sadism is the corresponding pleasure in inflicting it. The terms come together in sadomasochism, the S and M in BDSM.
This is not the same as wanting to be harmed or mistreated. The pain should be chosen, limited, and possible to stop. Discuss the type of sensation, intensity, off-limits body parts, and visible marks before you begin. Read more about pain and pleasure in BDSM.
Nipple play – nipple play
Nipple play is stimulation of the nipples through, for example, caressing, vibration, suction, temperature, or nipple clamps. Sensitivity varies greatly, both between people and from day to day, so start more gently than you think.
NOTE! Choose clamps with adjustable pressure and use them for short periods at first. Stop if you experience numbness, severe discoloration, or sharp pain, and remove them slowly.
Orgasm control
Orgasm control means that someone decides when, how, or whether an orgasm may happen. Edging builds arousal and pauses near the point of orgasm. Orgasm delay or denial may involve postponing orgasm for longer. A chastity product can be part of the play, but is not necessary.
Control is only erotic as long as it is consensual. Set a time frame, safe word, and what happens if the body or desire does not follow the plan. A promised orgasm is not a debt, and no one should ever have to continue stimulation that hurts in order to end the scene “correctly”.
Products for orgasm control and chastity play
Pegging
Pegging generally means anal penetration with a strap-on. The term is often associated with a person with a vulva penetrating a person with a penis, but the practice can be explored by adults regardless of gender, body, or sexual orientation.
Choose a strap-on that fits securely and a smaller dildo to start with. Use plenty of anal lubricant, begin externally, and let the receiver control the depth and pace.
NOTE! Anything inserted anally must have a wide base. Clean the toy or change the condom before using it vaginally, and stop if it hurts.
Pegging says nothing about anyone's gender identity or sexual orientation. It only describes what you do. Read our complete guide to pegging for beginners.
Queening
Queening, also called facesitting, involves one person sitting or straddling their partner's face to receive oral stimulation. The name captures the dominant feeling, but the activity can be gentle, equal, or role-play-based.
NOTE! The bottom person must be able to breathe and signal to stop. Start without restrained hands, use a nonverbal signal, and make sure the person on top can move away immediately.
Role-play
Role-play lets you step into different characters, rules, or power dynamics. It can be a simple dominant and submissive role, a uniform fantasy, or a more elaborate scenario. Clothes, masks, and lines can help, but the fantasy works without props too.
Negotiate the content of the role before you begin, especially if the scenario involves resistance, authority, or humiliation. Also decide how you will clearly step out of character. A safe word applies in real life even when “no” or “stop” is part of the fictional scene. See products for sexual role-play.
Safe Words
A safe word is a word with a defined meaning outside the role-play itself. The traffic-light system is simple: green means continue, yellow means reduce the intensity or pause for a check-in, and red means stop the activity immediately.
Safe words are especially important when ordinary words like “no” may be an agreed part of the scene. If someone cannot speak, a physical signal is needed. Choose something that is easy to repeat and notice, even in the dark.
A safe word does not replace attentiveness. The person leading should respond to body language, silence, and changes in breathing and may stop on their own. Someone who freezes, becomes unresponsive, or stops responding needs care, not a question about why they did not use the right word.
Temperature Play
Temperature play uses heat and cold to change the sensation on the skin. A chilled metal or glass toy, a warm towel, or a massage candle intended for use on the skin can create clear contrasts without intense pain.
WARNING! Do not use ordinary candles on the body. Follow the product's instructions, test the temperature on your own skin, and avoid mucous membranes, the face, damaged skin, and areas with reduced sensation. Also, do not hold ice still directly against the skin.
Heat, cold, and sensory contrasts
Submission
Submission means voluntarily handing over an agreed part of one's control to a dominant person. This may involve following instructions, wearing a BDSM collar, asking for permission, or receiving a certain type of stimulation. The submissive role may be physical, mental, or both.
Giving up control is not the same as losing your voice. The submissive person decides the boundaries within which the power may exist and can withdraw their consent. A good power dynamic makes boundaries clearer, not blurrier.
Voyeurism
Voyeurism is arousal from seeing others naked or engaged in sexual activity. As a fantasy or consensual play, it can involve one partner watching, being watched, or taking part in an event where the rules are clear.
Watching, photographing, or filming someone without explicit permission is not consensual kink. Keep play private or limit it to places where all present adults have chosen the context, and always ask for separate consent before using a camera.
Wartenberg wheel
A Wartenberg wheel, or pinwheel, is a small wheel with spikes that is rolled over the skin. It began as a medical tool for testing sensation but is also used in sensation play. Light pressure can tickle, while more pressure creates a sharper sensation.
You can find similar products among tools for pain and sensory play.
WARNING! Start very gently and avoid the eyes, throat, mucous membranes, wounds, and areas with reduced sensation. Do not share a tool that has broken the skin, and clean it after use.
X-cross
An X-cross, also called an Andreaskreuz or St. Andrew's cross, is an X-shaped BDSM piece of furniture with attachment points for the wrists and ankles. It is used for standing bondage and is more common in dedicated playrooms than in ordinary bedrooms.
If you're mainly looking for new angles without full immobilization, a sex furniture or positioning cushion is an easier start.
NOTE! The construction must be stable and correctly installed. Use quick-release cuffs, check circulation, and never leave a restrained person alone.
Yiff
Yiff is a slang term used in parts of the furry community for erotic content or sexual roleplay involving anthropomorphic animal characters. Furry culture as a whole is not a sexual fetish, and many furries do not use the word at all.
Zentai
Zentai is a skin-tight suit that covers the entire body, sometimes including the face. The appeal may lie in the material, the pressure, the anonymity, or the visual expression. Zentai is also used outside kink, for example in performance and cosplay.
NOTE! A full-body suit can affect vision, breathing, and body temperature. Do not use a face-covering model alone, and make sure it can be opened quickly.
Feedback
Feedback is the conversation after the scene about what worked and what you would like to change. It differs from aftercare, which addresses the immediate need for reassurance. Ask specific questions: When did it feel best? Where was it too much? Did the signals work? An honest “that wasn’t for me” is also a good outcome.
Ownership play
Ownership play, sometimes called ownership, is an agreed power dynamic in which one person in the scene is treated as if they belong to the other. Collars, rules, or rituals can symbolize the role. No adult truly owns another, and consent can always be withdrawn.
Blindfold
A blindfold removes your sight and makes touch, sounds, and anticipation more intense. It is one of the easiest ways into kink because you can explore control and surprise without adding pain or advanced equipment.
Tell each other in advance what kinds of touch may occur, clear the area around you, and start without restraining the person at the same time. The blindfold should not press against the eyes and should be quick to remove. When it feels safe, you can add a feather, vibration, or soft cuffs. See all blindfolds.
What suits you to start with?
Choose based on the feeling you want to explore, not on what looks most advanced. The best first product is one that makes it easy to communicate and easy to stop.
| You are curious about | A good first step | Keep in mind |
|---|---|---|
| Sensory play | Blindfold and feather tickler | Agree on permitted touches and keep the surroundings clear. |
| Being restrained | Wide cuffs with a quick-release mechanism | Check color, temperature, and sensation. Never leave the person alone. |
| Spanking and contrasts | The hand or a soft paddle | Warm up and stick to the buttocks and thighs. |
| Power and roles | An instruction, a safeword, and a short scene | Decide when the role begins and ends. |
| Rope bondage | Bondage rope and a simple ground tie | Learn the nerve pathways, keep safety scissors nearby, and avoid suspension. |
Frequently asked questions about kink, fetish, and BDSM
What is the difference between kink and BDSM?
Kink is the broader term and may include fantasies, materials, roles, and unusual forms of stimulation. BDSM is a group of practices involving bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. BDSM is therefore kink, but not all kink is BDSM.
What is the difference between kink and fetish?
A kink is something that makes sex or arousal more exciting. A fetish is a strong erotic connection to a particular object, material, body part, or situation. The boundary is not exact, and what matters most is how the person describes their own interest.
Is BDSM safe?
No physical activity is completely risk-free. BDSM becomes safer through informed consent, knowledge of the activity, clear boundaries, safewords, sober decisions, and a plan for stopping quickly. Start at low intensity and use products according to the instructions.
Which BDSM toy is best for beginners?
A blindfold or soft cuffs with a quick-release mechanism is simplest for most people. They provide a clear sense of control but are easy to adjust and remove. A ready-made bondage kit can also be a good way to try several milder sensations.
Do you need a safeword?
Yes, if ordinary words like “no” or “stop” may occur in the role-play. Red, yellow, and green are easy to remember. If someone cannot speak, a nonverbal stop signal is also needed. The safeword never replaces ordinary attentiveness or the right to stop without explanation.
What is aftercare?
Aftercare is physical or emotional care after intense play. It can include closeness, water, food, a blanket, peace and quiet, or contact the next day. Both dominants and submissives may need aftercare.
Are all kinks sexual?
No. Rope bondage, power dynamics, latex, roles, and other expressions can be experienced as aesthetic, emotional, or identity-forming without leading to sex. Participants decide for themselves what the experience means to them.